Tat’s Bizarre Travels

Seattle, WA - If you head down to Pioneer Square, one of the only parts of Seattle that reminds me of an East Coast city, you’ll find Bill Speidel’s Underground Tour. I typically don’t like the ideas of tours, unless, like the Seattle Underground, it’s the only way I’m going to see a place that is otherwise off limits. I guess I could break in, but I’m much too old for prison. Besides this tour is a humorous look at the history of Seattle and the of the subterranean areas that are left to explore. Like any good subterranean adventure you are only permitted to explore the bits that are on the tour, but I suspect that there’s more to see for someone with the right set of keys to see.

The tour boasts “irreverent humor” which is directed mostly at the founders of Seattle. It mostly talks about the founders follies, including the inability to correctly build a working sewage system. Learning the history of Seattle’s early waste management system includes some of the best jokes on the tour. Everyone loves poo humor.

At first you get corralled into the bar/saloon next door to the ticket booth/bar. In the saloon one of the tour guides takes the time to give everyone a quick history of the city and promote the Bill Speidel books that are on sale in the gift shop. (Bill Speidel was the man who saved Pioneer Square from being demolished and turned into skyscrapers like those that make up the rest of downtown Seattle. He’s also the guy who organized the underground tour in order to raise funding and awareness for the oldest part of town.) There are jokes about founders, corruption and Tacoma, which is apparently Seattle’s biggest rival.

Then the tours get divided up into more manageable groups. Our tour guide, Lucy, was awesome (asked for her when you take the tour). Out in Pioneer Square Lucy told us a somewhat more intimate, yet equally lively, story on how the first city burnt down. And then you get to go underground.

Through a door that could lead into any sort of apartment building or store front we guided down to what is left of underground Seattle. There are bits of rubble lying around, most of which is from the glories of the underground era and has been discovered by individuals who were lovely enough to donate them to the tour. While wondering above and below ground Lucy continued to tell us more stories on how the underground came to be. I have to admit it’s strange to be wandering around under the city sidewalks. While the streets above are solid, the sidewalks are not. Not even close, we heard the constant sounds of skateboards over our heads that reminded me distinctly of the soothing sound of a jet taking off. At one time the stores opened onto the lower sidewalk while ladders took you to the street above. There are many jokes about falling feces.

Finally the tour ended with the underground museum (a collection of some of the more well preserved antiques from the era) and gift shop. My favorite item in the gift shop was the brothel coins. I bought a couple. I love good brothel humor.

I’ve gotta say, it’s the best tour I’ve ever been on. I didn’t even mind having to follow a tour guide around. Now that’s a first.